Confidence Isn’t Just a Feeling… It’s a Skill

When we think of confidence, we often picture that unshakable athlete who walks into a room or onto a field with their head held high, eyes focused, and nerves nowhere in sight. It seems like they were just born with it, right?

But here’s the truth:

Confidence isn’t something you either have or don’t have. It’s not a magical personality trait. It’s a skill. And like any skill, it can be learned, practiced, and strengthened.

So What Does That Actually Mean?

Let’s break it down.When we treat confidence like a skill, we take it out of the category of “I hope I feel confident today” and into the category of “Here’s what I can do to build confidence today.”

That shift is powerful. It puts you in control.

Think of It Like Training a Muscle

You wouldn’t expect to grow stronger without consistent reps in the gym, right? The same goes for mental reps. Confidence gets stronger when you:

• Reflect on your progress instead of only your mistakes

• Speak to yourself with encouragement instead of criticism

• Take action despite fear, proving to yourself that you can

• Visualize success, and mentally rehearse what it looks like to perform well

• Celebrate small wins, not just big outcomes

Confidence isn’t the result of success. It’s often the starting point that makes success possible.

The Confidence Equation I Teach My Athletes:

Self-Awareness + Consistency + Self-Talk = Confidence

Let me explain:

• Self-Awareness – You know what impacts and interacts with your confidence.

• Consistency – You show up. Even when it’s hard. Even when it’s messy.

• Self-Talk – You coach yourself through challenges with the voice of a supporter, not a critic.

When all three are in place, confidence becomes a natural byproduct—not a guessing game.

What Confidence Isn’t

Let’s also clear up a few myths:

• Confidence isn’t the absence of nerves.

• Confidence isn’t loud or flashy.

• Confidence doesn’t mean perfection or “always winning.”

Instead, confidence is quiet trust. It’s belief in your ability to figure it out, even when things don’t go perfectly.

How You Can Start Building It Today

If you’re an athlete, coach, or parent supporting a young competitor, here are 3 action steps to start treating confidence like a skill:

1. Start a “Confidence Log”: Each week, write down 3 moments you were proud of your effort, problem-solving, or resilience—even if the result wasn’t perfect.

2. Practice Pre-Performance Routines: Create a consistent routine before practices or games to help your mind and body feel prepared and grounded.

3. Flip the Script on Self-Talk: Catch yourself when you say “I can’t” or “What if I mess up?” and replace it with “I’m capable” or “Let’s see what I can do today.”

   
   

Final Thought

Confidence isn’t about waiting for a magical moment when you suddenly feel ready. It’s about building the habits that make you ready—over and over again.

So the next time you catch yourself saying “I wish I were more confident,” remind yourself:You don’t have to wish for it. You can work on it.

You’re not chasing a feeling—you’re mastering a skill. And I’m here to help you every step of the way!

Natalie Gurnett, M.S.

Owner of Psych Me Up Consulting

psychmeupconsulting@gmail.com